This is a shout out to God, who is doing a work on me at the moment. This is intended to remind myself and let any watching the "construction" on the outside of me know, that though there are outward improvements...the major work is being done on the inside. The changes happening recently to my body are great! I am very excited about it. They are, however, a paltry reflection of greater changes happening in my mind and heart! A whale had been keeping me from my Ninevah! The whale's name was self-pity and my disobedience allowed him to swallow me whole!
Even in my rebellion, God in His grace, saw fit to rescue me and bring me out of darkness and into the light. I did not want to face the sin behind my weight problem...I wanted to hide in the belly of the whale and avoid changing my habits. Even as I grew more and more tired and depressed and lethargic...I clung to my hidey hole. When at last I cried out to God in utter despair, I wanted him to zap the problem away. He said "No." I was angry. He was patient.
Since May He has been showing me with love and mercy the things I have done wrong. When I finally came to Him humbled and ready to give the problem over to Him entirely...He soothed my heart and spoke gently to my soul. He said it was time for a change. In the beginning I wanted to improve the way I looked on the outside. I embarked on the new way of eating as a temporary way to lose unwanted pounds so that I would more resemble the woman my husband married. The plan was a 40 day "fast" in a sense. Very limited food options, very low calories. It was daunting. God was right there.
Over the past four weeks, something inside me began to change. I began to listen as my Father explained that He had given be a beautiful body. He said that it was a gift to me and that it was designed perfectly to His plan and built to function on the foods He had created. I felt the sadness in my heart as I realized that I had taken this gift for granted. I had not appreciated it and had begun poisoning it by excess and laziness. I had dumped more and more man-made junk into it...all the while, crying to God about the results of my foolish actions. As I ignored more and more the foods that God designed in favor of the foods man came up with, I became heavy and tired and sad.
As I come to the four week mark of this "diet" I find myself considerably smaller. I have realized however, that the outside changes are incidental to the inside ones. I FEEL BETTER! No heartburn, bloating, swelling, gas. I sleep good and wake up bright and early...energized. My skin is healthy! I am not tired or sad. With 35 pounds still left to lose...I am happy! I have stopped looking forward to going back to "normal" food and realized that there may be no going back. This body is not mine! It is His. A dwelling place for his spirit and a testament to His glory.
God heard my cry and my plea to change my outside so that I would feel prettier. He loved me enough to take the time to help me. God began a work on my heart. He went to the root of the problem and the cause of the sin and gently lifted me out of it. There is no glory in this for me! I could not do it on my own. I failed time and time again. No "diet" works if you can't stick to it and only a lifestyle change is permanent! How he loves me! He whispers to me that there is work to do and that we must get this out of the way so that I will be strong and able to do it! He tells me that I am beautiful...because He lives within me! He tells me he is proud of me...not because I am becoming thin...but because I am becoming obedient.
Praise God! From the bottom of my heart, thank-you! Thank you for loving me! Thank you for showing me the true meaning of beauty and for freeing me from my worldly perceptions of it! Thank you for lifting me...out of the pit!! Amen!
